It’s NOT in my nature to sit still.
When I was 6 years old, I started traveling with my Dad. His business trips landed us in fascinating parts of the world. He flew a small plane for local trips, and I loved going with him. It was my dream to ‘touch a cloud’! So you can imagine, as I got older, I had a natural love for jet-setting.
“Being stuck in one place, turned out to be my happy beginning.”
Shauna Jenkins, Editor-in-Chief, Thoughtful Mom Magazine
I’ve crossed my country of Canada on documentary and music tours almost 3 times. I’ve been to the land down under, traveled Europe and Africa, and visited the Middle East. I’ve eaten food from fishing boats and whale blubber from the North, in Iqaluit. I’ve seen the northern lights of Yellowknife and the city lights of LA. I caught eyes with a teen filled with sadness, not much younger than myself, in Nicaragua, after Hurricane Mitch, and it deeply changed me.
I always thought my world would be a lifelong adventure of travel…UNTIL.
Until something bigger grabs onto you. Something that turns your eyes from the horizon and into what’s growing right in front of you. And you realize you don’t want to be away all the time from the ones who’ve captured your whole heart.
Your kids.
You realize you are their stability. You are their safe place. You are their constant. The secure. And if you’re gone, if you’re away for all that time, in those younger years, their little tree is desperately trying to put down roots and continues to be uprooted. So you start trying to figure out how it can work. But that would mean moving your kids from school to school without stability. Now building and maintaining friendships becomes a new challenge, and there could be a sense of uncertainty. Some families are literally called to this life — military, adventurous parents who homeschool and make it all part of learning!
There are tremendous supports in place for the military, like the Family Resource centre, so they have stability when their partner is away. The families I’ve seen who have this lifestyle, work really hard to create a solid family base — they deserve all respect and love.
But for us, we needed steady. My husband worked outside the home, so I was the parent who had taken up the childcare role, which meant I couldn’t be traveling all the time. At least, not if I wanted to keep our home peaceful and nurturing.
I had to make a choice…to “settle down” and put down roots. But settling to me meant exactly that — settling. Settling for second best. Parking my goals and dreams and never going back until I was old and gray. I hated every thought of the word SETTLE. The thought of staying in one spot tingled inside my bones. I tried EVERYTHING to fight it.
I worked inside my home with a nanny downstairs, watching my kids. I ran my husband’s political campaign while my firstborn was in daycare. I worked from home doing digital marketing while pregnant and trying to care for my 2-year-old. That time of our lives was SUCH a mess. It was ANYTHING BUT stable. She wanted mommy. And I was present in the home doing work on the computer but not available to her emotionally.
So many parents have felt this same burden during the pandemic. Present, but not available. With ALL of my heart, I have felt that pain too. The pain of saying no to your kids because you need to work, even though you’re right in the same room.
After all of this, all avenues for me to work were closed for significant health reasons (panic attacks, anxiety, postpartum — a lot of it from burning myself out from STRESS). So in September of 2016, after our son was born, I began the hard work of learning to sit still.
Nursing my son is what grounded me.
There’s something that begins to happen when you allow yourself to stay in one place. When you stop fighting the urge to move around. When you open your eyes to what is right in front of you – begging for your attention.
I realized I was living my DREAM but I hadn’t sat still long enough to see it.
They say, when a tree is uprooted and replanted, it can undergo transplant stress, and it needs another 5 years to regrow its roots again.
But, when a tree can stay in one spot. When it’s allowed to take up roots. It starts to change…it begins to expand underground. Although you can’t visibly see changes every single day, there’s SO much happening beneath the surface. Then, before you know it, new branches begin to develop, flowers blossom, leaves fill in the gaps. As the seasons come, and the seasons go, that tree grows more robust and more able to withstand the storms of this world.
Each new season brings growth; a hardening and a strengthening are happening under the surface. New life is beginning to flourish. As a mom, it could be new understandings, new skills, or newly found confidence, or patience. We start learning from the past season and growing in the next. I didn’t become a mom overnight. I shouldn’t expect everything to be second nature right away.
I was comparing myself to my own mom who is an excellent cook and so fluid at managing her house, but she’s had 40 years of practice. Looking back now, I can acknowledge that life on the road and being single has a totally different mindset than steady-paced home life. I can admit that my work was incredible and exhilarating but not ideal for raising children if I wanted to be a mom who’d be present and available. Has it made things easier? I wish I could say yes. But building a family, on one income and raising children; buying a home and living in one place, in the same bed every night, the same chores, the same people, all the time.
Quite honestly? Hotel life is easier. It’s luxurious: someone makes your bed, cleans your room, and brings room service whenever you want. But my goal hasn’t been to make things easy.
My goal is to raise children with parents who will be there to teach them. Teach them values and be present. To talk with them through their storms. Someone they can trust — with patience. And honestly? If I was that person on the road coming and going? I wouldn’t be very patient. I’d be stressed 100% of the time. And that wouldn’t make for a very peaceful home.
So I chose to let go, to embrace this new slow-paced, steady life – which turns out to be a MUCH healthier, happier life. I’ve discovered that this slower pace and living in the same community for 10 years has brought vibrant, rich relationships. All of the unlearning has paid off. And it has been SO worth it!
We’ve practiced making meals, we’ve come up with weekend plans, talked about meal plans, and who will do what each week. We’ve learned to communicate our needs to one another and figure out what discipline works for us. We have time to sit with difficult emotions to work through them, prune out the unhealthy things, and allow for new growth. We’ve learned what it means to create a safe, warm, and growth-focused family. We’re far from perfect, but we’ve worked hard to make our home steady and stable. Although we will probably never be a family that has a super rigid schedule, our family tree is growing strong. We like our unstructured time just as much as the simple rhythms and routines we’ve put in place. That’s just who we are.
Will I ever get back to traveling one day? I hope so! But for now, I am 100%, absolutely, without a doubt confident, that I am RIGHT where I’m meant to be. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Our roots are beginning to nourish us without as much effort.